


What you Know to be True, and What you Hope is Not

by xanithofdragons



Series: The Dating Misadventures of High School-aged Natori and Matoba [11]
Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 23:23:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15230283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xanithofdragons/pseuds/xanithofdragons
Summary: He had always known that this would happen, so why did it feel like a betrayal?





	What you Know to be True, and What you Hope is Not

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Natori/Matoba day (7/10)! I'm using the excuse that it's already the day of in Japan to post this early cause I'll be busier tomorrow.

Shuuichi stood waiting outside the gate of Seiji's school. He could feel the cold air of winter even through his coat. Before, it had always been the other way around, with Seiji waiting outside Shuuichi's school, but Shuuichi had graduated last year, leaving him behind. It hadn't even been a full year since Shuuichi had graduated and started work as an actor, but he had already gotten used to the rhythms and schedules of a worker rather than those of a student's. 

Soon, though, Seiji would be graduating too. Shuuichi had hardly needed to ask him what he was going to do after he finished high school. Seiji was going straight to working officially for the Matoba clan, including more special training to prepare him to be the next clan head. Maybe then they would be able to meet up less, but for now, Seiji had called him out to meet today.

The voices and footsteps of students started to flow out of the school building and Shuuichi turned to watch for Seiji. With his coat and gakuran and black hair, Seiji came walking out amongst other students, waving when he noticed Shuuichi by the gate.

“Hello Shuuichi-san.” Seiji was smiling less than he normally did when they met. Shuuichi wondered whether something might have happened at school. While Seiji may act like he didn't care what others thought of him, Shuuichi figured he must care more than he let on.

“Hey. Where did you want to go today?” Shuuichi asked.

“Let's go to that cafe.” Shuuichi knew exactly the cafe Seiji was talking about. It was a cafe in the next town over they frequently used to meet up for dates. They walked together to a bus stop to wait for the bus that would take them near the cafe. They stood next to each other on the bus crowded with students going home from school. Seiji wasn't talking, and it made Shuuichi restless.

“My agent called me today to tell me I got another role,” Shuuichi said into the unusual silence between them, but he immediately chided himself. His decision to start acting had always been a sore spot between them. Seiji had never accepted it even though Shuuichi said he'd continue doing yokai exorcism too.

“Is that so?” was all Seiji said, though.

At the cafe, they sat down and made their order. Even after their drinks came out, Seiji stayed quiet, not even drinking his tea. Sipping at his own drink, Shuuichi began to wonder why Seiji had even bothered to invite him out.

“I'm getting an apartment in the city soon,” Shuuichi said, hoping to start a conversation. Seiji was looking down at his tea, though. “It'll be a little far, but I'll give you the address and you can visit any time.” He wanted Seiji to be happy about this, but he wasn't responding. “It'll be more convenient for you, too, having a place where we can be alone.” Seiji had, in the past, said that he wished it was easier for them to meet privately. “I can even give you a spare key,” he threw out.

“We should break up.” Seiji finally looked at him. “I'll be busy with clan business, and you're only going to be getting busier with your work, too.”

He had known. He should have known. He had always known that Seiji was going to put the clan first, so why did it feel like a betrayal? There was only a couple of months until Seiji graduated. Seiji had been acting even more distant than normal for a couple months already, so really, Shuuichi should have guessed something like this was coming. He had wanted to believe that it wasn't, though, that he had meant something more to Seiji, that he had actually gotten through to him in some significant way.

But no, Seiji was breaking up with him in a way that said that he had always cared more about the Matoba clan than about Shuuichi, and that he always would, as though he had planned on ending it this way from the very beginning.

“I understand,” Shuuichi finally said, knowing as it came out that he would never be able to put the full weight of all he felt into it.

“There's one more thing I wanted to take the opportunity to say.”

Shuuichi didn't say anything, waiting for Seiji to continue.

“I know you may not be in a position to make decisions for the whole Natori family right now, but would you consider joining the Matoba clan in the future, when you can? You'd be a great asset.” Shuuichi couldn't believe Seiji right now, how calmly he could be talking business, in circumstances like this. “Until then, I'd appreciate any help you can give us, and I'll make sure it's easy for you to take on jobs through us.”

He wanted to punch Seiji, but it seemed that he had finally learned how to hold himself back from acting before thinking. It was a good thing he had, too, since a part of him also wanted to crush Seiji in an embrace and kiss him until he took it all back and agreed to stay with him.

Shuuichi wanted to say that it didn't have to be like this, except that it did have to be like this. It wouldn't be good to try and hold on. Probably it would have been better if he had never dated Seiji at all, but it was too late for that now.

As long as he was working as an exorcist in this region, he couldn't completely avoid the Matoba family or its future head, but he could at least stay independent. He swallowed all his anger and frustration and hurt and replied, “Thank you, but I want to keep seeing how much I can do on my own.”

It took some time for Seiji to say, “Of course,” only to fall silent again. When Shuuichi couldn't stand sitting across from Seiji anymore, he pulled out his wallet to leave money for his order and stood up to leave.

“The offer stands,” Seiji called out. Shuuichi turned back to look at him one more time.

He looked serious, decided, final, but was it just hope that made Shuuichi think he saw some sort of yearning in Seiji's eyes? He wondered if Seiji would regret breaking up with him or maybe regret ever dating him at all. Shuuichi hoped he regretted it. He wanted to make him regret it if he could.

“Goodbye, Seiji.” And Shuuichi walked out.


End file.
